amid the stars

what a wonderful feeling... to get all dressed up, sit amongst others in gowns, suits and tuxes... enjoy a fabulous meal and endless glasses of wine, dancing the night away to a live orchestra band that never missed a beat as the stage spun with a glowing dome of shimmering lights above. it truly was an event.

the awards show lasted 4.5 hours, so yes... a bit long, but there was some good commentary through it all and plenty to take in. Of course, I'm really not on top of who's who or have even seen many of the shows that were awarded, so I really couldn't list off many names to you all... but it was the creative arts Emmy awards that we attended, in which it was all of the behind the scene people who were being recognized. But regardless of names or the TV glamour, being all dressed up amidst the ambiance of it all, I felt like a star... and really, if you all would have seen Laura, I could confirm that she was glowing... Her long emerald green gown (a fabulous market find) was perfect, she looked fabulously famous.

so yeah, just the story to add to my Hollywood life. I do have to laugh at the fact that next week we'll be camping in the woods with the bears in Yosemite national park... so we'll hang up the dresses and pack the old t-shirt and blue jeans. Oh I just love the variety that California brings.

someone pinch me

yeah, I've come to wonder sometimes if I just need to be woken up.... as if the life I'm living is really all a dream.

this past weekend for example...

Friday I spent with Dan. We enjoyed the evening at the Getty Museum, which if you don't know or haven't been, it's really a creative's paradise, it's own fantasy land so beautifully design, "so smart" as I'd often describe it. Dusk is definitely the perfect time to go too, as you can see the sun set over the ocean, the light reflecting against the mountains, just as the city's skyline begins to lighten up.

Saturday was a trip with Laura and Fern (one of Laura's interior design clients) up to Big Bear Lake.... in which we were able to experience almost every type of weather imaginable on the drive up. It was so great to leave the city where the temp was over 100° and see a rain storm (one of the great things I miss about the midwest). It was a wonderful taste of fall and the views were most spectacular.... the lake as clear as glass, the reflection of the mountains covered with evergreens. Amazingly enough, Fern so happens to have a place up there that's the perfect little ski cabin if you could ever imagine one. All of this just a two hour drive out of the city... not bad, especially when the very next day I was enjoying the sun and the sound of the waves as I rollerbladed along the coast. gotta love California.

oh, and not to gloat... but this coming Saturday, Fern invited Laura and I to join her to the Creative Emmy Awards. Yes, the real thing, red carpet and all. We have a great reason to get all dolled up, wearing beautiful gowns, to sit in a booth amongst the TV stars. crazy I know.

ouch... did you just pinch me?

becoming me

to beat the heat (it was 101 today) I walked to the $3 theater to see Becoming Jane which if you are unfamiliar, was the movie that told the life story of author Jane Austen. It was good. I still love the "Pride and Prejudice" movie much more... and that probably set my expectations high.

I did come home wanting to write, wishing I could be good at it, understanding words and how they can be paired together so well to create elaborate statements or capture such true emotions and thoughts.

Of course, and this blog is a good example, I struggle to write well, but I must say, I'm proud of my small attempts and am glad I do so....

I love dates

... I'm talking about the kind you eat. There was a box of them in the kitchen galley at work as they were left over from the amazing warm pecan date tart that was just tested.

I decided it would make a good post title though because Laura just said the other day that she hates dates.... and I'll let you know she wasn't really referring to the kind you eat.

It made me think about how similar the different meanings to the word date really are. Dates look awkward, brown and mushy in appearance... a good visual representation of that awkward and uneasy feeling of a first date. Of course, after you get over the notion that it is a bit sticky, once you take a bite, you can realize that they are quite sweet, especially if you found a good one.... as there are a few varieties out there.

accomplishments (?)

In my post below you'll find the words to a homily I wrote and gave to the St. Catherine's of Sienna Church community. I was a senior at Drake and it was the last Sunday before graduation and Fr. Jim asked if I would give the homily for the senior farewell mass. I remember being in finals frenzy and most of my time was actually being put into the preparation of this homily, it was almost a bit nerve wrecking as I didn't think I'd have much advice to give, but I do remember being very well pleased with the whole experience.

I pulled up the word document that it was saved in tonight as recent conversations and church this morning had me thinking about many of the things I remember referring to. So I read the gospel and my own words again, over two years later, and now I can't help but wonder, have a really accomplished anything?
Yes, I'm using my degree, as I have a great job working as a designer for a great magazine.
But what about accomplishing the works of God? That one's tough. and I have to wonder, are we ever really suppose to know if we've actually accomplished this?

I've allowed myself to believe that impacting just a single someone's day, whether it's a large act of kindness or a simple smile, or just being an everyday example of Christ is a way in which I can slowly start to accomplish the works of God.

Upon realizing that it was 2 years ago now that I was questioning these things, for a moment I was in shock, feeling disappointed as I haven't gotten very far... but then I thought about the people I've met since then, and while I really don't know if I've made a difference at all, I do know that I've learned a lot from the people I've met and the relationships that have continued to developed and really, it's all a bit like baby steps as I continue to learn more about myself, my talents and the best way in which I can give back and accomplish the works of God that he has set out for me.

I will say that it's also interesting to re-read my words in regards to my home at St. Kate's, as it really was a wonderful place for me, and moving away from it, I find myself yearning for that community again, but as I'm questioning what church is for me, through my quest to find it, I do believe the questions, doubts, and new church going experiences are helping me to discover the Lord on a different level, even though sometimes I maybe frustrated with it all and feel I've drifted away.... in the end, I know it's all going to help me find God on a deeper level.

Homily for May 8th, 2005

St. Catherine's of Sienna

Gospel Reading: John 17:1-11

I have become very familiar with the gospel that Fr. Jim just read, after reading it numerous times this past week as I am truly honored to have been asked to prepare the homily for today. So I’m going to start by touching on a few of the things from the gospel that really meant a lot to me.

The one line that really stuck out for me was when Jesus said;
“I glorified you on earth by accomplishing the work that you gave me to do.”

Accomplishment… a word I can currently relate to. In one week I, along with other seniors here today, will receive my degree. We have successfully completed the education we came to Drake University for.

While I am proud of this accomplishment, I can’t help but think about the accomplishment that Jesus was referring to.
That is, performing the works that God set out for him.

Knowing that a lot of changes will be taking place in my life, as I complete one stage and begin to start another, I’ve been thinking about this a lot.

I would love more than anything to accomplish the work of God.
I have currently been struggling with trying to understand exactly what it is He has planned for me to do.
Can all the hard work I’ve put into receiving my degree actually be used to accomplish the work that God has in mind?

While I was in El Salvador, I actually had a conversation with Father Jim about this. I was addressing my concern that I know that God had blessed me with an artistic talent, but found much frustration with the idea that I couldn’t use my talent to help those in need.

I wanted to do so much, but felt so helpless and uncertain of how I could even attempt to make a difference.

It is very interesting how God works. The very next day, the ten year old daughter of the lady with whom we were staying with had some crayons and we enjoyed each other’s company by coloring together. I drew for her two pictures of these beautiful flowers that her mother had on the table. She was so thrilled about the picture I was drawing, that she would actually take it away from me and run into the other room to show her mother and bring it back so I could continue to do more.

That evening, I was able to speak with Bob Cook and during our conversation; he realized I was the artist the young girl was talking about.

Even though he was unaware of the thoughts I was struggling with, he went on to comment on how wonderful my talent is, stating that art highlights the beauty in the world and this brings happiness to others.

While I still don’t know for sure what I’ll actually be using my degree for, his words provided me with the reassurance I needed to hear.

Personally, I know I like the gratification of directly helping someone…
but I’ve come to understand that we aren’t always going to see the impact of our work.

I do believe that it is important to have that desire to do God’s works though. As it is said in Thomas Merton’s “Thoughts in Solitude,” a prayer to God,

“I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.”

With this in mind, I can’t help but think that God has a plan for me…
even though I don’t know what or when, at some point in my life,
I’ll be able to accomplish the works he has set out for me.

I did realize that there are probably moments that we are doing the works of God but are unaware of it, or may not realize the effects until a later time.

For example, two summers ago, thanks to all of you, I was able to attend the Campus Ministry Leadership Institute in Ames along with Katie Schmitz and Chris McDonnell.

We were the first group of students to attend the CMLI camp and we went in with the goal of really building up the community here at St. Catherine’s and increase student involvement.

Well, it was just this past December when we had 75 students show up for the 9 o’clock p.m. student mass that Katie and I couldn’t help but look at each other and smile. It was great to see all the hopes we had for this place were actually taking place.

As it is mentioned in the Gospel, Jesus talks about his experience of sharing the word of God with his disciples.

I am so grateful to have this place to belong to. It is here that we are able to share the word of God as a community.

As the disciples in the first reading gathered together to pray, this is the place we can gather and pray.

When I first came here four years ago, it was through your welcoming smiles and kind words that encouraged me to get involved… and I am so glad I did. Through all the Sunday morning gatherings and various other visits during the week, I’ve truly come to feel at home.

While the refreshing sense of hope I get each Sunday is my favorite part, I can’t help but appreciate all the moments I have been able to come here in search of answers.

It’s through these moments that I have been able to share in many great conversations about our faith, leading to many great friendships,
and the desire to know more about God.

In the Gospel today, Jesus states this as being eternal life:
knowing God, the only true God.

What an accomplishment that would be…
to understand God at a personal level, experiencing the perfect love of God.

Through Jesus Christ, we are allowed to know God as our Father
¬—a Father who loves us completely and unconditionally no matter where
we are in our lives.

Whether you are just beginning to understand who God is or are looking to know Him more personally, I like the words that Fr. John Grace shared with us at one of the retreats held here this winter,
“I believe in a God who believes in me as I am right now!”

It is important to see the compassion of God, a Father who will not abandon us in our times of struggle.

We need to recall though, that as a Father, we also need to glorify Him. Jesus demonstrated this with his obedience and willingness to die on the cross for us.

Through His prayer to the Father, in the Gospel today, Jesus speaks of being glorified. He first mentions that he has glorified the Father, and then asks for the Lord to glorify him.

He then prays for his disciples, for it is through them that he has been glorified.

As Jesus goes on to pray for the disciples, he understands that they belong to God. It was God who gave them to Him. He was blessed with their fellowship to share the word of God with and now he was praying for them,
Asking that they could be one in Him.

It is at this point that I want to pray for the community of St. Catherine’s. God has blessed me with this place and I know that you all are from God.
As Jesus stated that he will no longer be in the world—as we celebrate His Ascension today, I can’t help but think of how shortly a few of us will be leaving this place.

I want to thank you for all you have done for me these past few years. St. Catherine’s will always hold a special place in my heart. It is my home away from home and I know I’ll be back.

Thank you.

goofy pleasures

there are somethings I do during the day that afterwards I just have to smile and shake my head at myself. For one, yesterday morning while heading to work, I definitely smiled and said "hello Theo" out loud as I approached my car. I know, it's odd. But I just gave him a bath the day before and he looked so cute in the morning sun.

then the other night, and this happens more often then I probably would like to admit, I spent part of the evening in my closet (along with Laura's), planning out new outfit combos that I can wear. I'm so excited about some of the new possibilities that exist now that I live with Laura.... now only if we wore the same shoe size.